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| it seems to stretch on forever, and Ian finds himself feeling nothing increadibly profound except a profound sense of dispassion. he keeps walking, not really sure were he's going, or if he even cares. the sky is blue, the ground is barren, and all he sees is...a girl. standing still up ahead is a girl that seems familiar, but whose face looks vague and indistinct. as he approaches, it dawns on him that there is something different about the terrain: it stops. it seems to fall away, and she's standing right on the edge of it. as he gets closer, he can make out what lies below, what she seems poised to jump into. it's a Desert, streching on and on, as vast as the Plateau, but with the look of scorched earth: black and jagged. just on the edge of the horizon, Ian can barely make out high mountains, wreathed in black smoke. he doesn't dare get close enough to see the bottom, but just then the girl spreads her arms and makes to jump. he's forced to Act; he lunges forward, catching her just before she would have Dissapeared over what he now Sees to be a sheer drop that must plunge for miles. she shudders, then begins to cry, head in her hands. as Ian, breathless, looks around, he now sees in the opposit direction as the Cliff, a Light.
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| Ian looked in the mirror one last time...the voice he heard as a constant noise in his minds ear told him he was weak, that he was irreversibly shamed. He wanted to smash that face, but he knew the satisfaction he might gain from symbolically wasting his frailties would never accomplish anything but broken shards of glass...Greatness calls, honor beckons, strength is there for the disciplined, but i have not the courage to look my own reflection in the eye, he thought. He pondered for a moment, what it would be like to turn his back on everything he knew, to stop challenging himself, to run to a world where nothing was expected or required, but in an instant he knew that that would leave him with even less self-respect than failed attempts. And then a Light shone in the darkness gathering in his head...Remember that you are called, you are loved, that your actions and words affect more than just you, or even just what you can see from your perspective...your strength in a moment of doubt may encourage another, your heart in a hopeless situation will strengthen another, and your resolve in a moment of temptation may speak more than a thousand speaches to someone you don't even know...And then a new voice, new but familiar, said "Rest your heart in Me"...
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| something just hit me...we serve a face-to-face God. the verse of the week from sermonaudio.com was psalm 32:8 "I will intruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye"
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| well, it's definitely been awhile. Joel Mears is now a married man, my brother made it through high school and is leaving for the HA we all know and love in August, my sister is in Mexico with GE, my dad is training for a completely new line of work, and i'm just trying to carve enough time out of work to still keep some meaningful relationships alive. wow. as all you working people know, it's a struggle to keep work balanced out with the rest of life when you need money and have extra hours available. the key is, i suppose, figuring out how badly you need the money...not really though, not if serving God is your single focus, in which case it becomes a matter of what He wants. heavy stuff. if you haven't heard from me in awhile, please don't assume that i've forgotten you, email me and i'll shoot you my cell # or something...
what one man sees, another finds
while one man sleeps, another dines
as one man weeps, another laughs
when i become all that i can
is when my wings do fan
and i'll take flight upon the light
of Creations one pure Man
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| i've been a lot more bare (vulnerable) the last few months than any portion of my 20 years existence to date...except maybe as a child...children are pretty open, appropriate or no...well, i was going to extend that to my xanga and realized that bare or no, i can't bring myself to lay bare my soul in such a generic and impersonal way as to fling my soul to the virtual wind...any of you are welcome to email me (Darcsol@gmail.com), and i'll gladly give reply... my back and shoulders are still recovering from the pit last night (awesome show), and they'll get another workout tomorrow, digging up a defunct irrigation system...paid work is an amazing thing...yeah.... .... as anvils pound upon my back...the wind destroys the dark'ning wrack...that pounded on my quaking soul...a pain more real than muscle knows...through the sky that opens thus above...i see the glory of His love...as light arises o'er the hill...my soul beholds His grace...in still relief i quiet here...my spirit soars on guilded wings...as He whispers wond'rous things...and my heart does quiver...
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